I don't exactly know why but I think this was the most depressed new year I had ever experienced. To think that I am reaching 21 years old and had done basically nothing worth to the society, it's just upsetting. So here I was spending the last two days bursting out over the dreams I had not yet able to realise. When I was just about an arm close to it, and foolishly I just give in. I only thought about the present and so overwhelmed by emotions at that moment, I gave it out - my dreams.
And now, once again I had been given the opportunity to sketch out a new dream, to structure out new plans. I really had learnt my lesson. From the very moment I fell off the ground, I had not waking up just for the sake of moving on. But I'm waking up realising that hey I still have hope.
Maybe, the path are a little bit different and strange. And that I might not even like it at all. But, believe me I'm really giving it all out here. I'm going to nail my studies, not for the reason so that people would be impress in me, but for my dreams. Just what kind of dreams you might wonder I had in mind. Well, it's a really big dream I must say.
Talking about my dreams here, I'm really pissed off the whole previous week. I had been brainwashed with the perception that by being a Muslim, your only goal is to attain Jannah (heaven). And to achieve so, you don't have to worry about what your status are in this world. That it's okay if you are not brilliant, as long as you could maintain your state of iman (faith). That if you are not able to obtain good grades in exam, it's not because you didn't work hard on it. It's because He had written it to be so, and He knows better what is good for you and your iman.
To an extent I'm not saying that it was all wrong, it could be true that way. But just why and again I emphasise here, why didn't you look at it the other way round? Why do we really love the conservative way of thinking when it comes to Islam? I'm not saying you should be progressive either. I'm saying, shouldn't we take it moderately in all aspects when it comes to Islam? Moderately as in to be fair by putting each rights to their respective place accordingly.
When in KISAS, we were always been greatly reminded about this kind of things every single day. Like, get proper sleep because you body also have its rights. Don't skipped meals and studying too hard, fulfill your body rights first. Do some exercise and worked out, Allah had give you a healthy body you should maintain it. Every single things that entitled to us are responsibilities that we need to take care of. Because at the end, we will being asked about it all.
Same with this world. He had put this world under our supervision. He had entrusted it to us and not to others. Then why aren't we sparing this world its rightful rights as much as we put the hereafter as our prioritisation?
I meant to say, it isn't wrong if you wish to be successful and powerful in this world. Don't condemned and distance yourself with the worldly matter just because you had seen many bad peoples becoming corrupted from their very much possessions and power in this world. Just don't be afraid.
Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children (Al-hadid : 20).
Don't be afraid.
Be not faint hearted and be not sorrowful, you will surely gain the upper hand, if you be true believers.(139)
If you have received a blow now, your enemy also received a similar blow. These are the vicissitudes of time that We alternate among the people; this has been done so that Allah may test from among you who were believers and choose the righteous witnesses of the Truth; for Allah does not like the workers of iniquity (140)
and by this test He willed to sort out true believers and to crush down the disbelievers. (141)
Do you think that you will enter Paradise without undergoing any trial? Allah has not yet tried you to see who among you are ready to lay down your lives in His way and who will show fortitude for His sake.(142)
You used to long for death but that was before you confronted it. Well, now it has come before you, and you have seen it with your own eyes. (143)
(Ali Imran : 139-143)
This is the verse that put me both at ease and wary during the Paris airstrike on Syria. Yeah how would you not be. And from the tafseer Bukhari, it also included a narration mention by Ibn Umar from the prophet saying, the believer that associates with the society and be patient with the turbulence are better than a believer that are not associating with the society and are not patient with the turbulence.
Huhh I guess supposedly I shouldn't be ranting about trivial things like this. Still the old me.
So, this is where the real point of the head tittle come in. And how the story above can be kind of related to it. You see, I had this small bank where I kept all my saving and it had been 2 months since I started. I had make a bookkeeping and record all of my expenses every day. So much thanks to all those 2 years of doing Accounting during my A Level. I had been able to prepare a budgeting, where in every RM50 worth a week, I had to at least save for RM20. In a month, I could save at least RM80. Though, honestly it was very easy to trail off the budget. It's not like you could mind-controlling your stomach to not feeling hungry. I just wish I could though.
There's reasons why I save. You could obviously tell what the reasons are from the picture above. Half of the savings will be allocated as a capital for me to startup a business and the other half are for Haj purposes. And I put them in ratio 1:1 because I see both of them as equally important.
I know my eternal goal would be to achieve Jannah, I don't want it to be otherwise. But, would it be wrong if I put half of my commitment to serve the world. There's so much thing that I wanted to do and contribute. So much people that I wish to help. So much things that I wanted it to change. I'm sorry for having that much greed. I just don't believe that this world had not a single share to the after world. That's why I planned the budget that way. Half would be for the short term, and the other half is for the infinitely long term.
Still, I respect any way you find convenience for yourself. Always, this kind of things made me thinking and reflect back on my true intentions and motives. Because sometimes, Allah have its special ways in sending an unexpected events in your life as a reminder or warning even so that you won't trail off the track.
Either way, let's start the new year with brand new hopes and dreams :)