Sometimes, it’s tiring to pretend okay
while the truth is that you always crave a little attention and affection from
your friends. I’m not a kid anymore and yeah that’s really a problem. Please
give me a little love, guys. It’s dark and lonely here fyi T.T
You know
exam and me are like water and oil. Only with the existence of soap can those
two be mix together. Be the soap, please. *begging*
Haha its
okay. I’m fine (I’m not).
Tomorrow
will be the start of my last sem. I’m really grateful for that. And in two
weeks, I’ll be sitting my external final AS level examination. I’m not prepared
and never will. But, I guess I just have to redah jela. I have my own saying
you know, ‘in life we must not be afraid to aim for the top, but we must always
be prepared to be on the bottom’..
That really
describes me well.
So, my concerns
nowadays are my studies, of course. I want to get good grades, get a bunch of
offer letters from universities, fly to UK, pass with Economics degree in hand,
back to Malaysia in 3 years, and last but not least getting employed.
But, from
the very first concern I had already struggling to my bone let alone the rest.
I’ll be zombie. Study should be fun!!! What’s wrong with me and all the negative
thoughts?
These past
few months I can’t really sleep.
I have one more
concern that just at the think of it makes me really annoyed and annoyed so annoyed
that there’s one time I quickly jump to my table and open my books; studying.
Hey, that’s good. I guess I had to think about that quite often haa. Ahh I’m so
annoyed!
I had a
cousin of my age, and we were compared a lot. Since we were 12, everything was
like competition between us. Who’s better and who’s not. First, it was about
the upsr. I’m okay with that since us both got 5A’s. Then, he enter MRSM and
ohh that’s hurt (since I applied too).. I don’t even remember his name then,
not until my mom brought it up again at our pmr year. That was officially my first
time dealing with insecurity. Hahahh.
After spm
was the most intense moment ever. We both get good grades and he applied for
mara scholarship while I applied for jpa’s. It’s unfair though because jpa include
personal and group interview to the applicant, and I just don’t have the
confidence to make it through. What a day!
Still, I got
it. And yeah he too. Under different scholarship, doing different degree, at
the SAME country. This brings me to tears. Ahh whatever. My point is that, what
if he could fly while I’m not. The real concern that make me tak senang duduk
rasa mcam dah kenapa kau dapat UK jugak T.T
I really hope
that we both could fly so that all the comparing of who’s better and who’s best
could just stop. I mean, come on. It’s really stressful and even we’re family,
we didn’t feel like one. And we didn’t act like one too. I even scared to ask
him his pointer because what if he’s doing great? Because I’m not. Tehee :’(
 |
| Acap (kiri) |
Cap dah lah
eh cap. Penat ah penat penat. Buat je lah leklok final tu nati kita
jumpa kat
UK. Kalau tak jumpa tu jangan nak tanya lah kenapa.
Aherrr. Nak felai~
At least, that
made me feels like studying.
*Karimu anta Allah, yusahhilna fi haza al-imtihan*
*Najjihna fi haza al-imtihan*
*Allahu Allah, ya zaljala li wa al-ikram*
*Sabbaha lillah ma fi as-sama’ wa ma fi al-ardh*
*Aj`alna min ibadika as-syakirin*
**Ameen**