Pencuri

‘Shaline, percaya tak sebenarnya kita yang curi duit kelas tu.’

‘Tak.’

‘Kalau andai kata memang kita curi and kita mengaku percaya tak?'

'Tak. Sebab Ika bukannya ada dekat kelas pon waktu rehat. Ika bertugas (pengawas).’

‘Tapi boleh je jadi kan. Korang pon ada ke bukti yang betul Fulanah tu yang curi duit tu? Kan dia dah kata dia tak curi kenapa korang taknak percaya?’

‘Ada orang nampak dia duduk dekat kelas waktu rehat lepastu dia pergi naik asrama. Lagipon kita yakin Ika takkan buat camtu lah.’

‘Kenapa?'

‘Sebab kalau dalam baik, orang akan boleh nampak melalui luaran dia.’

**

Aku akan ingat sampai mati mungkin peristiwa atas ni. Masa dekat tingkatan dua, ada sorang pelajar baru masuk kelas kitorang waktu pertengahan tahun. Aku ingat lagi betapa terkejutnya aku bila balik daripada bertugas lepas rehat ternampak sorang budak perempuan dengan tudung labuhnya, kulit putih-putih, rendah nak kurang sama dengan aku, beratur dekat barisan kelas aku. Beratur dekat belakang aku. First impression aku mestilah suka. Lepas ni ada geng dah sebab sama-sama pakai tudung labuh. Lagilah dia rupanya bekas budak sekolah agama. Tapi semua orang tak suka dia. Semua orang rasa dia pelik. Sampailah kejadian dekat atas tu jadi dan semua orang tuduh dia yang salah.

Waktu benda tu jadi, aku rasa kecik hati sikit dengan kawan-kawan yang lain. ‘Pakai je tudung labuh tapi mencuri.’ ‘Luar je baik, dalam macam apa entah.’ Walaupun tak dituju dekat aku tapi aku yang duduk tepi tu je pon rasa macam kena panah petir rasa. Kenapa salahkan tudung, tudung tak bersalah. Hadui. Lepas habis kelas, aku tanya Shaline segala yang aku rasa.

Bila ada orang yang aku tahu daripada background agama, susah untuk aku terima yang diorang pon boleh buat salah jugak. Bagi aku, 'kau fahamkan dah kenapa kau buat jugak?' Peliklah senang cakap pelik sangat-sangat. Agama tu fungsi dia supaya kau dapat bezakan yang mana betul yang mana salah. Bukan jadi alat untuk membenarkan benda yang salah.

Bila orang cakap ‘luaran’ tu penting. Aku tak faham macam mana orang menilai ‘luaran’ tu? Mula-mula aku fikir luaran tu mestilah daripada cara pemakaian. Kena pakai tudung labuh, baju labuh, pakai stoking tutup aurat. Tapi aku sedar aku salah. Ramai je orang yang menjaga pakaian dia, tapi ada sesetengah yang masyarakat boleh terima dan sesetengah yang lain di layan sangat asing. Kalau macam tu mungkin ‘luaran yang baik’ tu dari segi perangai atau akhlak lah kan. Jadi aku pon bercampurlah dengan akhawat-akhawat yang memang baik akhlaknya pemakaian pon terjaga. Tapi, macam tu pon tak semua selesa dan terima.

Betapa ramai coursemate atau kawan-kawan roommate aku yang tak boleh bercampur dengan budak-budak macam tu. Bagi diorang, diorang rasa dipandang serong sebab tudung diorang pendek sikit tak labuh macam tu dll. Tapi diorang cerita luar dalam semua dekat aku walaupun baru semalam jumpa. Aku ni tak ada rupa budak baik ke?

Bagi aku sebenarnya bukan ‘luaran’ yang orang tengok. Kita lebih selesa menggunakan istilah luaran sebab kita percaya kita boleh perdaya orang lain dengan menggunakan segi luaran kita. Kita percaya takkan ada sesiapa yang boleh tahu keadaan dalaman kita sebenarnya macam mana kecuali diri kita dan tuhan sahaja. Kalau macam tu sebenarnya kita salah. Bila orang lain memandang, mereka memandang dengan hati. Sebab tu selalu kita akan dengar, ‘Aku rasa dia tak suka aku. Aku rasa..’ Dari mana berbuah rasa kalau bukan dari hati. Jadi bila memikat hati, pentingkah ‘luaran’? Atau ‘dalaman’? Mungkin lebih, lebih lagi sekadar dari hanya dalaman dan luaran.

Kadang-kadang aku jadi rimas bila dengar ada orang cuba membangkitkan pasal isu ni. Kita berbalah mana yang lebih penting antara dalaman dan luaran. Cuba berjustifikasi dengan menggunakan analogi-analogi yang tidak masuk akal. Akhirnya, segalanya akan berbalik kepada diri sendiri. Kita bukan macam buah yang kalau kulitnya dah busuk akan busuk selama-lamanya. Kita manusia yang walau macam mana busuk tengik berkulat pon kulitnya tetap boleh jadi baik semula. Yang macam mana hitam pahit pon isinya boleh jadi manis gebu semula. Sebab kita manusia, kita bukan buah. Siapa kita untuk melihat manusia hanya dari kulitnya dan membuang segala nilai yang ada didalamnya?

Semester lepas, dalam kumpulan assignment aku ada sorang budak perempuan yang free hair. Waktu perbincangan kumpulan aku sedar yang mungkin dia ada rasa tak selesa atau malu dengan aku. Bila dalam surau fakulti selalu nampak dia duduk je perhati orang sembahyang. Boleh nampak yang sebenarnya dia risau dengan pandangan serong orang lain. Satu hari, waktu tengah jaga booth kelab ternampak diorang dari jauh. Cepat-cepat kejar dia dengan kawan dia tu nak bagi flyer. Buatlah ayat pancing sikit taknak bagi diorang takut sangat tengok perkataan ‘Usrah’ dalam flyer tu. Lepastu, minggu depannya punya group discussion dia datang pakai tudung. Punya berbunga-bunga kembang setaman dalam hati tu menyengih je sampai habis discussion. Memanglah macam perasannya kalau nak kata yang dia tergerak hati nak berhijab tu sebab aku kebetulan bagi flyer hari tu. Tapi aku percaya, kalau andai kata tak ada orang-orang yang macam ni nak blend in dalam circle of friends dia mungkin sampai bila-bila dia tak akan jumpa kekuatan tu.

Ada sorang kawan pernah cakap, ‘Kak Nani, kita rasa bersalah dengan Aminah (bukan nama sebenar).’

‘Kenapa?’

‘Sebab dia pernah tanya kenapa kita tak pernah tanya dia pasal tak pakai tudung ke pasal Islam ke. Kita tak tahu nak cakap apa. Speechless. Kalaulah kita ada approach dia dulu walau sikit, mungkin kita boleh ubah dia. Tulah tanggungjawab kita kan sebanarnya. Kita rasa macam berdosa sangat.’

Dulu waktu dekat KISAS, akak usrah selalu pesan, ‘Bila kita dah dekat luar nati dan bergaul dengan orang-orang yang kurang faham agama, selalu pandang diorang ni sepertinya ada tiga garis calit di dahi mereka. Calit pertama, ‘Bantulah aku.’ Calit kedua, ‘Bimbinglah aku.’ Dan calit terakhir,‘Kasihanilah aku.’ Macam mana kita rasa kita faham agama pon, tak memberi apa-apa maksud yang sebenarnya kita lebih baik dari orang lain. Yang memberi kefahaman tu Allah, dan yang mampu menariknya juga dia. Kalaulah pon kita berdepan dengan orang-orang macam tu, yang lebih diuji sebenarnya kita.

Jadi, kalau ‘luaran’ seseorang itu begitu penting, luaran yang bagaimanakah yang dikira baik? Kalaupun dihadapkan didepan kita orang-orang yang baik luarannya, adakah mungkin kita akan suka kesemuanya? Adakah kau akan lebih suka pencuri yang kelihatan baik luarannya atau seorang baik yang buruk luarannya?

(I found this meme and remember when a bunch of my usrah mate crashed into my room and quarreled with me and my roommate about our 'wrong' qiblat direction. I know I should side on you, but I know better when to not to. Have some manner please.)

Falling Star

I have so many things to write, but turning them into lines of words and sentences was never easy. I want to talk about a manga titled ‘The Gamer’ that I just recently read and how cool it really was. About ‘Windbreaker’ too! I had also finished reading some books, but I’m not sure whether I should give them any feedback or insight because they were really awesome. I also watched a few ‘Genius’ series on National Geographic and though they were very brief but it could really trigger you to know more about those geniuses and their works. And because recently my father kept watching the ‘Bible’ series and kept on asking me to find the differences in their teaching and in what the Quran had mentioned should be, so I made some researches on that too. I found pretty cool information, but yet I’m far too incompetent to write about any of that.

Honestly, I’m too busy reading and engrossing things I found it a bit hard to spit it out back as time goes. Because believe it or not, it change my way of thinking, it change the perspective on how I used to perceived things and it literally change me. And changes, they required some times to adopt. Do you know the ‘Calm Water Theory’?

Learning business, you’re all about theories. But ironically, theory will only be a theory unless you could apply it. And usually with me, those theories just popped out when I want to explain a condition or in supporting arguments. So, for me that’s a bit cheaty and cool all at the same time. It sure will make you look a lot smarter than you actually are. That’s quite a tip, try to put those theories you learned in class when trying to explain things okay.

Back again with the Calm Water Theory.  The theory is basically trying to explain that in managing people, sometimes changes will be needed. And usually it’s the manager that will conduct and guide the direction of the changes to meet the business goals. So, to change there’s a series of stages that the manager should identify and adopt. The first is the ‘Unfreeze’ stage, next is the ‘Change’ stage and the last is the ‘Freeze’ stage. So, unfreeze is when you identify what are the things that you wanted to change. Then, you try to change them by introducing a new method or by creating a policy or rules and regulations. To make sure the changes are used continuously and to avoid the old method was used again, the manager should regularly supervised the employee and put on a measure to control the change process.

Analogically, that’s what happened. Before, I used to look at things through my perspective alone. I don’t know how it was with other people from different cultures, races, religions and nationalities. Maybe that was what I lacked of; exposures. So, I try to redeem back those weaknesses of mine with reading. Some might say that it’s not the same to actually experiencing things by your own than to just read it off from the experiences of others. Of course it’s not. When I read, it’s not the experience that it brings that matter. It’s the different angles of people perceiving things and the morale that matters.

I always told my friends to write about their experiences studying overseas. But, maybe they just don’t think that they had live there long enough to describe what it really feels like. What was it really feels like? “It feels empty, it feels like you don’t belong there and it’s boring.”, the kind of answer that I get after asking a friend. Was it because it’s different? Was it because everything had changed?

In many cases, the one thing you most needed is change. In fact, you should try to change every single day. Change is not a process where you measure it by the end results. It’s supposed to be a process where you should know yourself and your desired better, whether was it appropriate or was it enough in order to achieve you goals? If it’s not, then you should change. In order to change, there are a lot of things that you must sacrifice. You know yourself what it is, and it’s really not easy. Because of that – the fear of change – we had unable to resolve many global conflicts nowadays. Why can’t they change their policy for a little bit? Why can’t they make a cartel or something? What are they so afraid of?

In Genius, the second episode was about Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla. When Edison had able to build his empire in electricity industry by using the direct current, Tesla came and proposed the more efficient way in supplying electricity by using the alternative current. Edison rejected the idea because it was too risky and dangerous. Tesla ended up finding his own investors to convince people the benefits of alternative current. He wanted to change the direct current to alternative current so that many people will be able to enjoy electricity besides the rich corporates and politicians. What gets me the most was when Tesla decides to let go of his fortune and shred the agreement in order to put his vision to realization. The company and the investors aren’t able to pay Tesla for his accrued license fees anymore and about to go bankrupt, when Tesla let go of his patented royalty in order to make sure the business can still operate and able to proceed with the Niagara Falls project that they had received. Edison later loses the company he had self-built because the board had come to realise that alternative current is better than the direct current and are far more profitable itself.

The fact that Edison should have earlier considered Tesla’s idea might could had change something somewhere today. The world might have a much more meaning into it than just a mere place of profits. It’s sad when that happened and making it much irony when both of the parties are wasted. Change yeah is that what I’m going to say? Maybe, I’m not quite sure myself. For me it’s more about having to counter with people of a different mind than you. People always believe that there’s only one way or another in solving things. If it’s not going to be A, it’s certainly B. That my dear friends are what ‘False Dilemma’ is.  It is to believe that there’s only two ways or two choices that exist. I mean come on, even our MCQ’s have 4 to 5 choices of answers.

So, what did we usually do when we met someone of different opinion than we do? If we’re going to accept theirs than we have to change ours and it certainly is not easy. But, it’s not like they will accept ours if they don’t wanted to change theirs. There’s other way. Find a common point that you both had, and change everything else. For example, you both wanted to supply energy to people. Fused all that brains of yours and find a new way. Though, it is a bit unrealistic for a big industry like electricity. The point is don’t look at what you have different but at what you have the same.

And after all of that, had we learnt our lessons? It’s hard to tell. There’s no specific indicator or law to determine the human behaviours. Even some physicists like Descartes for instance, believe that we human don’t bind by any law because we have ‘free will’. But, do we? Or are we just repeating and imitating the past events as results of causes and effects.

Everything is changing. And it happened so drastically it feels so surreal. The bombing, the war, the killing, it’s really dreading. There’s one time on the days in between of my final exam, I slept on the campus’s mosque. I had so many things on my head but I felt so empty inside. Everything is slipping bit by bit off my hand; it’s started to get really tiring. During the Dawn prayer, a friend came and I was quite shock because she’s a Chinese revert. And she could also fluently memorize the An-naba’. It brings back something that’s lost from before – hope. I kept on being forgotten on how a soul could even move mountain and that even with just a soul it would make such big differences. And I’m thanking God for sending me this one beautiful soul.

It is not always bleak the world is. You just have to choose wisely. On where to look..

“Before the land begin to fade. I was hoping that you showed me the way. To never ever be afraid. To change..” – Falling Star, Jet