Kunci Rapi Cintaku, Tuhan

*Ohh, alahai tajuk. Mengundang betul.

So, it’s all about love today. This is my first attempt to write about such a lousy thing called ‘love’. Awkward. Nervous.

Here goes nothing . . .

I have this one feeling. It keeps my head spin, out of breath, heart pounding. I hate it. Still, I like it. It reminds of how human I’ve been. How week I could be.

There’s time, I felt like flying through the cloud passing over the moon across the stars. I created a world so unreal and hoping that somehow it’ll pop into a reality. I dream so hard, I can’t even tell which is real and which is not. Soaked deeply into the fantasy, I kept on dreaming.

But.

For most of the time, I kept on hiding. Pretend to hide this feeling when I know it’s too obvious that it shows. I turned myself so icy cold that it brings chill to whoever that comes near. This is me with heart of bricks. I am bulletproof nothing could ever penetrate it.

Still.

There’re you.

You caught me off guard. You’d turn that bricks of mine into a fragile glass. For a while, I’d become the awkward me. Life seems so sweet. Even the cloud looks like candy. I started to smile without reasons. Laughing at jokes when it’s not even funny.

I like to watch you afar. So far I hope you’ll never know my existence. So far I wish you would just disappear. Strange? When how countless time I’d pray to be placed further from you, the more fate bumped us around. I hate that. I hate the fact that I can’t hide this feeling when you suddenly showed up. I hate this side of me. This wimp.

Time passed by and I was not even near to forget you. Not even try actually. *sigh*. My head was so full with the thought of you. I started imagining things.

Why . . . can’t I forget?

              can’t I move on?

              am I not letting go?

Just why? And why?

This feeling now was full with ache. Those glasses now have shatter I fear it’ll fall into pieces.

Yet.

Just in time it turns into ashes, His warmth love aids my ache and washes all my pain away. He put my heart in ease just by remembering Him. I cried so hard. For the fact that He always crave for my attentions, and I was dumb enough to ignore Him.

Allah.

For all this time, I’ve been seeking love not from you. And I’ve been disappoint as much as I seek it. I’d forget that you are the creator, the owner and the keeper of all love.

Seal tight this love, O lord.

For the man that crave only your love. For the man that please you and hold only to you.

Seal tight my love, O lord.

Seal it tight.

Sealed.

Ziarah Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah.

Jumaat lepas Syakirah dengan Fatin Nabilah datang ziarah dekat INTEC ni. Rasa terharu sangat. Walaupun sekejap tapi macam macam jadi. Masing masing dengan jalan yang berbeza. Tapi pelik. Kenapa rasa dekat sangat dengan diorang walaupun baru sehari jumpa tapi, dengan kawan kawan dekat sini rasa tawar hati.

Memang cuba sangat nak berlapang dada tapi kadang kadang . . . 

Mungkin sebab tu kot Allah gerakkan hati korang nak datang sini. Macam tahu tahu je kita tengah sunyi. Rindu manisnya ukhuwwah kita dulu. Ingatkan kita sorang je yang rasa kosong, tapi tak sangka. Ramai lagi sahabat dekat luar sana yang turut rasa tempiasnya. Kuatnya tautan hati kita :) 

Macam macam cerita dapat dengar. Biasalah bila lama tak jumpa.

Tapi rasa bersalah sangat sebab serabut hari tuh. Memang tak prepare apa apa pun. Harap korang selesa tidur dekat rumah kita tuh. Sorry lah. Tak seberapa sangat. Hehe

Dan yang tak boleh lupa insiden kak ummul malam tuh. First time lepas dua tahun dah tak jumpa, tetibe kak ummul menangis teruk macam tuh. Huh. Bukan aku sorang je rupanya yang kene uji. Ramai lagi orang kat luar sana yang lebih teruk kene uji daripada aku.

                         Tabahlah hai hati.

Cakap pasal hati ni, ada pulak benda yang jadi. Siapa sangka kan. Macam macam jadi Ramadhan ni. Nasib baik jadi bulan Ramadhan. Tebal sikit iman nih.

Mungkin ni signal Allah bagi kot. Sampai bila lagi nak simpan. Ahh, risaunya. Kalaulah tak pernah jumpa pon dia. Takdelah sakit macam nih.

And kiera. Next time please do ask me first before you decide. I really am not prepare for this. But, things happen. So don't blame yourself ok. 

Lagipun semua benda dah tersurat. Kalau Allah kata jadi, jadilah dia. Kita manusia boleh buat apa je. Benda tu nak jadi semalam, semalam lah dia. Kita tunggu dan lihat sajalah nanti yeh.

Tenanglah hai hati.

Ramadhan,

Hilangkan resahku

Tenangkan jiwaku

Suburkan imanku.

Minggu Destini Siswa

Orientasi . . .

Seronok?? Seronok kot. Hehe. Tapi err biaselah. Ade seronok yang sangatlah ‘menguji iman’ and ade jugak seronok yang seronok lah. Macam akak akak fasi yang sangat baik. Tak pernah melenting pun. Walau pun kitorang ni jalan terkedek-kedek macam itik pulang petang atau sesangat lah bising nye. Dorang cool jeh. Tak nampak pon ke'seniority'an nye tuh.

Pogram die pon santai je. Takde rushing sana sini. Sampai sempat tidur kene tunggu lama sangat.

Tapi. Yang paling best nye kat sini ade . . . ramai budak kisas. Hehe. Memang  berkepit memanjang lah dengan dorang. Pergi makan, pergi solat, pergi pogram. Sampai sanggup share kerusi sebab nak duduk satu baris sama sama. As-sobiah?? Agaklah. Tapi, tak kesah pon ape orang nak kate sebabb mungkin time minggu orientasi ni jela kitorang sempat jumpe borak borak suma. Lepas ni, kelibat pon mungkin dah tak nampak dah kot. Pogram lain, blok lain, rumah lain, kelas lain.

Muslimat sumenye ade 8 orang tak termasuk pogram middle east. Alia Natasha (AL-US science), Ili Imanina (AL-US social scs), Fatimah Khiruddin (AL-US social scs), Fatin Aina Safi (AL-Aus science), Kamilah Nordin (AL-NZ social scs), Aisyah Hamdan (AL-UK social scs), Syafiqah Azmi (AL-UK social scs), Atiqah Asram (ADFP engine). Kitorang suma amek A-Level, Atiqah je yang amek ADFP.

So, tulah serba sedikit info pasal kitorang punye pogram. Muslimin?? Tak sure sape je. Tapi setakat ni yg nampak batang hidung, Abu Hazim, Naim Nazmi, Usamah, Sharif, muslimin 510. Ade jugak dengar cerita minggu depan ramai lagi nak masuk. Lai Lai. Dapatlah rase jadi senior seminggu tu kan. Huhu.

suma benda merah . . .

LDK??

Penat. Penat gelak. Hehe. Nasib baik dapat group yang havoc. Lagilah dapat pulak satu group dengan Fas, memang tak tahu nak cakap apelah. Tapi, paling tak suka waktu main game ‘silent killer’. Ever heard?? Die ade ‘killer’ dengan ‘police’. Killer kene bunuh orang biase dengan kenyit sebelah mata. Waktu main ni memang doa banyak banyak tak jadi killer. Naseb baik tak dapat. Bayangkan . . . nak kena kenyit mata kalau dekat yang perempuan je takpe lah tapi yang bani adam tu. Huaaa.

Dahla main sampai lima enam kali. Amboi, suka betul ye korang main game nih. Selama ni pon jeling je dekat diorang tuh. Heee.